i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
