I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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