ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
