watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize