someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
