im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
