I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
