I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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