What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
