You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
