this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
