pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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