Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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