She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
