i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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