I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
