Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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