i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
