I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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