How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
