everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
