pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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