So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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