apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Boobs speak an international language.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
