I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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