If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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