I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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