I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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