im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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