if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize