is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
