I need to stop coming to work sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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