i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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