Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
