they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
