Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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