just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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