He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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