peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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