i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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