also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
