Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
