Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Umm I'm too high to move.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
