Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
