somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
