dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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