i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
