he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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