i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
