Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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