Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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