There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
