I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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