Don't you send me to vm
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
