My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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