the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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