i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
