I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
