i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize