Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
