I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
