9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
