found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize