Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
