There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
