i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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