come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
