I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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