Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
