question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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