woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
