the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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