Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize