my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
