Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
