i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
