She said her name was "party"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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