fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
