maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize