Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
