Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
