There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
