it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
