You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
