so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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