so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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