Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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