atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
