I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
