Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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