Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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